The Caped Kadoogan Kaper
by DTentBabe247
Summary: The boys are out on the lake as usual,when a strange man in strange clothes crashes into Zigzag's hole. He turns half of the boys in CGL, including Armpit,into gay, New Rave-obsessed slaves! When the others find a book that holds the key to curing them,they end up going on an adventure.
1. Chapter 1

It was another typical day in CGL,and the boys were out on the lake.

"Hey guys,is it just the heat or is there a rainbow streaking the sky?" asked Squid,pointing at a rainbow he apparently saw. "Yea,I think I see it!Pretty frickin weird."said Magnet,raising an eyebrow and squinting.

"I think it's heading this way!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

screamed ZigZag,scrambling out of his hole and running away,holding a shovel like a sword.A rainbow crashed into his hole.A man in a pink mesh top,purple hot pants,big sunglasses and a rainbow cape rose up, a pink light shining from him.

"I AM THE CAPED KADOOGAN,my real name's Luke Mimosa Jones BTW, and I came to PAAAAAAAAAARTAY!"said the man,shimmying like an 80's disco dancer."Up top,baybee!"said 'The Caped Kadoogan.' to little Zero.

Zero backed away and leapt into Stanley's arms. "I'd rather be with you..." whispered Zero. "Aw, you two are so adorable together,just saying! And what is UP with the orange jumpsuit trend going on here, honey? So last millennium." said The Caped Kadoogan.

X-Ray blatantly face palmed and said "This ain't no Girl Scout Camp or nightclub. This is a juvenile prison camp!" "Oh my gosh, I LOVE NIGHTCLUBS! I met my first boyfriend there."

"EWW!" said Armpit,trying to force an image of two guys making out out of his mind. "What?There's nothing wrong with being gay you stereotypical biznatch! P.S,you need deodorant,sister!"

Luke blatantly tapped Armpit's forehead,and his character immediately changed. "Oh my gosh, where did you get those clothes? And will they be in my size? You know what, never mind,I'm probably too fat for them anyway."

"Aw,you're not fat!It's all FYI,I bought the shirt from Diva,and the hot pants from I bought my sunnies from Boohoo.I made this cape ,right?"

"Totally!Come on,let's go to the Wreck Room,I'm so fatigued."said Armpit."What the fuck did that gay dude do to Pit?"asked Magnet.

"HE PUT A GAY SPELL ON HIM AND TURNED HIM INTO A SLAVE! WE'RE DOOMED,GUYS!DOOMED!"squealed ZigZag,tripping over a mound of dirt and falling into a hole.

"Guy's,I'm afraid we're gonna have to-" "Kill ourselves?"asked Magnet. "No!"said Stanley."Rape ourselves so we're safe?"asked Squid."NO!" said Stanley again."I'm afraid we're gonna have to destroy this guy before he turns anyone else."said boys whooped and yelled "D-TENT!"It was the beginning of an adventure.

**ALL I'M GONNA SAY NOW IS SORRY IF I OFFEND ANYONE READING OR BEGINNING TO READ THIS STORY.**


	2. Chapter 2-The Book

As the boys walked back to D-Tent,plotting their plans,they heard New Rave music blaring from the Wreck Room."Oh no!"yelled Zig Zag. They walked into the Wreck Room to a bunch of half naked boys grinding on eachother. The Caped Kadoogan was in the middle of the group.

"OH NO,HE'S INFECTED ALL THE GUYS!RUN TO THE HOLES BEFORE IT'S WAY TOO LATE!"hollered Stanley and ZigZag, pulling the boys to the eventually took the lead,and led them out to some holes by where he found Sam's boat and the Sploosh.

They jumped into a gigantic hole and began to make it deeper with a shovel Zero kept with him."HOL UP HOL UP HOL UP!" there's something in the wall of the hole."said and Stanley,being experts,widened the left side of the hole.

A book fell out,the pages barely deterred by the harsh weather,onto the dirt.X-Ray picked it up and blew the dust off it,and wiped it down with his title read "The Book Of Koridai' by 'HP Keepawayhomosexualmenistscraft. The first line of the first paragraph read "Such is the power of the Prince of Darkness that he can kill with a single look! Attacks against Ganon will prove fruitless, unless Link attacks with the sacred book!"

"Hold on,isn't Ozzy Osbourne the Prince of Darkness?"asked Zig Zag."Yes,but,we're dealing with a REAL VILLAIN!"said Squid boys roared with laughter and made various jokes as they went back to the tent,being careful not to be detected by "Captain Gaybo."

"Do you guys know who Link is?!"asked Zero.

None of the boys knew.


	3. Chapter 3-A Legend Is Born

As Armpit slept,the rest of the boys huddled in a corner,reading the book by the glow of a flash-light. Stanley flicked through the pages."Okay...Unicorns...Pegasi...Boars...Manticor es... Tokoloshes...OKAY,HERE'S THE PAGE."Stanley let Zero (surprisingly) read out the had trouble with a few words, but was other wise alright.

"To undo the curse of The Prince of Gay-I mean, of Darkness, you must find the magical Man Purse and burn it in a fire purified by the ash of Grand Theft Auto games..." "Okay okay,now,where in Green Lake are we gonna find GTA Games?!"asked Magnet.

"...or rattlesnake fangs. Let me finish my sentences before you barge in."said Zero,Magnet nodded and let him read on.

"Boys,this is going to be one helluva dangerous mission."said Zig.

"And where in Green Lake are we gonna find a magic man purse?"asked X-Ray.

"...It says at the top of Koridai mountain east of Green Lake- otherwise known as God's Thumb."read Stanley. He grinned at Zero as they gave eachother a thumbs up sign and laughed.

The boys had no idea what was between them.

**Okay,so it was a bit rushed,but I finished it. Yay! R n R!**


	4. Chapter 4-It Begins

"Okay boys,"announced ZigZag,getting all the boys except for Armpit, who was busy chatting up another boy from B-Tent,in a group huddle.

"Today,we make our escape. But this time,I drive."he winked at Stanley,who laughed sheepishly."X-Ray,Squid,and I will lift the water tank off the back of the truck while Caveman hot wires it and Zero slides over to the second seat,then you put it in gear and begin to drive away.X,Magnet,Squid and I'll sprint to catch up and jump on the back."said ZigZag,the boys saluting.

The Caped Kadoogan was looking over their shoulders."Hi, what are you gossiping about?"he asked. In order to protect themselves,the boys acted like all the others,and tried to blend in. Zero was a pro. "Oh, we were just chatting about what Kanye and Kim could have named their girl instead of Northwest.I mean,really?If I could name her something I would call her something classy,like Clarity,Madonna,or-or- Mimosa."said Zero in a fake,yet amazingly pro accent.

"Oh,my gosh,you are SO GOOD with names!Especially if it was Mimosa,that's my middle name. See ya round,honey!"said Kadoogan,strutting away.

The boys applauded Zero's performance.

Finally,it was time to kick their plan into action. Pendanski,to the boy's fear,was turned. Mr Sir was still normal."I thought Pendanski was gay already!" he said as he filled the canteens. The boys howled with laughter,and little nark Caveman sheepishly admitted their plan,and surprisingly, Mr Sir was in."You're doing it for a good cause boys.I can take another damaged hood if it's for that."he started the pick-up,and Zero and ZigZag hopped in the cab. Mr Sir took off the water tank and made it look like it was thrown off by the boys and grinned for the first time in a while as they jumped on the back. As Zig slammed on the gas,he acted like he was angry yelling "YEAH! YEAH YOU RUN AWAY!THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO GIRL SCOUT TEA PARTIES FOR THE REST OF YER MISERABLE LIVES,YOU HOOLIGANS!"the boys just waved and cheered.

They hooned past Sam's boat,did five doughnuts around it (ZigZag couldn't resist!)and headed towards the giant cliffs that made up God's Thumb.


	5. Chapter 5-The Hole

Before they stopped,they picked up a bag of unopened sunflower seeds and took A sip of water before climbing the immensely steep cliffs and rugged ridges and ledges. They helped eachother (Zero and Stanley in front.) until they reached the top."WHOO!"whooped Squid,dancing in a circle.

"So this is how you survived all those days."said X-Ray,ripping an onion out of the ground."So,HOW are we meant to find the Man Purse?!"asked a curious and sceptical Magnet,despite what the book said.

"Dude,this is only one side. It stretches for miles around on the other side.I bet ya there's gonna be a hole or cavern or something-maybe a chamber or a spot where it could be buried on the other side."said Zero.

It even took them 5 and a half miles to circle the Thumb and wind up on the other side. It was bigger than the first."Aiight yo,now we're here soAAAAAAAH!"X-Ray fell into a giant hole,a cloud of dust and a loud "OUH!" coming out.

"I have a feeling we have to go down there."said Zero,jumping down before anyone could reply ,the others followed, dog-piling poor X-Ray.

"Ugh-I think you broke me."he said,trying to stand up only to flop on his face again.

The boys laughed.


	6. Chapter 6-The Purse is Pursued

Their voices bounced off the walls of the massive tunnel as they felt their way around. Stanley let out a "EEEUUUGH!" as he dipped his fingers into a bowl of something mounted on the wall. He wiped his fingers fast and forceful on something above it, which caught fire. It was a torch!

"If there's one torch, there has to be another." said Squid, trying not to laugh at the questionable shape of the torch. "Is it just me, or does the torch look like a- ahem- schlong?" said X-Ray. Squid doubled over in a fit of laughter as Stanley lit the other torches with his own. The other boys reluctantly grabbed one and made their way down the tunnel.

After mindlessly wandering for what seemed like days, they came to a gigantic chamber with what looked like a medievel prophecy made in pieces of stone and glass on the walls. The ground began to shake violently. "Um, is it just me or is there an _earthquake _going on in here?!" yelled Squid as they began to run around like ants. "We have no time for your hipster sarcasm!" yelled X-Ray.

The earthquake stopped, and five stone pillars rose, one at a time. At the tops of each one, were five man purses. "So, we came this far, so- WHICH FUCKING MAN PURSE IS THE REAL ONE?" yelled Zig Zag. Zero made a weird face. "Dude, are you constipated or thinking hard?" asked Magnet, sneaking up behind him and holding the torch underneath his butt.

Stanley shoved him away, Magnet's torch burning his arm. He hissed and grabbed it, which burnt it even more. "AAAAAH, THE SWEET MAN PURSE WITH PAISLEY AND FLORAL PRINT WITH A POLAR BEAR FUR LINED INTERIOR AND UNBREAKABLE FAKE CROCODILE SKIN STRAP MADE BY DOLCE AND GABBANA!" screamed Stanley, the others not being able to process why he said so.

The ground began to shake again and four stone pillars, including the middle, sank back down. the last one sank to Zero's height. Zig Zag ran over and snatched the purse off of the column. "HELL YES! WE HAVE THE ANTY-GOAT! I MEAN PANTY-FLOAT! I MEAN-"

"Antidote?" said Squid, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah." said Zig Zag, smiling and blushing.

"So, we got the man purse, and now we have one minor problem." said Zero. "What's that?" asked absent minded Magnet. Zero sighed, face palmed and yelled "A WAY OUT OF HERE!"

Suddenly, it clicked. They were trapped. Zig Zag began to roll on the floor, crying. As his tears soaked into the ground, the rock in the far wall in front of them disintegrated into dust.

Zero began to laugh. "What's so funny?" asked Stanley as they ran to the entrance. "Oh, it's just that I remembered that the Book of Koridai said 'In Order To Escape The Chamber, the Ground Must Be Soaked With The Tears Of A Virgin!'"

Everyone except for poor little Zig Zag began to laugh.

"What? Apparently the ladies don't like unwashed hair and acute paranoia!" he said.

**So yeah, that's chapter six! Sorry about the tedious storyline, it just keeps getting unfunnier and unfunnier in every chapter. But hey, it's my second fic. I try. Read and Review!**


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